Cheeseburger Buffet

by Dr. Tweenus Gonzo

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I was thinking about how I have never seen hamburgers at a buffet. I immediately realized how useless that would be. I never want a second hamburger. One hamburger and a small amount of fries is all I need. I wouldn't pay a buffet price for that. It would be awful too. You know they'd probably put the burgers on the buns, and the buns would be cheap and in sitting on the buffet, they would get stale and hard. And then, assuming you don't want plain hamburgers because you aren't a 5 year old, you'd have to struggle to pull the bun off the cold burger so you could put some shitty buffet cheese and tomato and lettuce and anything else you want on it. This is how it would be at a cheeseburger buffet that you could afford, though obviously you'd regret it. At a more expensive cheeseburger buffet, they might have a guy or two cooking the meat while you prepare your fresh bun (they actually make the buns fresh every day) with everything you could ever want on a hamburger. At the expensive cheeseburger buffet, they have more options for sides than french fries and chicken nuggets. They have vegetables. Unfortunately this is the expensive cheeseburger buffet, and no one goes there. For that price, you might as well just go get a really good steak somewhere, or a really large mediocre steak somewhere else. No, the expensive cheeseburger buffet will go out of business while the cheap one will survive long enough because of dipshit locals and out-of-towners tricked by their own lack of forethought. It's just a bad idea. I'm sure it exists somewhere. I don't want it. Don't tell me about it.

And so there's this. 4 songs. Cheeseburger Buffet.


released July 16, 2014



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